I'm currently at work and reading the news as I eat my lunch. A lunch which consists of a large bowl of kale, collard greens, cucumber, carrots, peppers, tomatoes, kidney beans and a tablespoon and a half of a homemade salad dressing. I actually have this same lunch every weekday and really enjoy it. As I'm eating, I come across the following article in the Toronto Star and find myself looking down into my bowl of salad with a, "Well, what the ?!" reaction.

The article describes a study whereby 600 participants "cut back on added sugar, refined grains and highly processed foods while concentrating on eating plenty of vegetables and whole foods," such as, "brown rice, barley, steel-cut oats, lentils, lean meats, low-fat dairy products, quinoa, fresh fruits, legumes...olive oil, salmon, avocados, hard cheeses, vegetables, nut butters, nuts and seeds, and grass-fed and pasture-raised animal foods." Participants were not told not to worry about counting calories,  limiting portions or increasing their exercise levels "beyond federal guidelines for physical activity."

And--wouldn't you know--over a year most participants lost weight and "saw improvements in other health markers, like reductions in their waist sizes, body fat, and blood sugar and blood pressure levels.​" 

"The research lends strong support to the notion that diet quality, not quantity, is what helps people lose and manage their weight most easily in the long run. It also suggests that health authorities should shift away from telling the public to obsess over calories and instead encourage (people) to avoid processed foods that are made with refined starches and added sugar."

Wait a minute--that's what I do...

If you follow me on social media or have been around me during meal times, you'll know that the majority of what I eat can be described as what is described above (with the recent exception of excluding animal products). I eat better now (and even more so in the past five years) than I have my entire life. Yet every single day I struggle with keeping my weight in check. I've spent countless amounts of time focusing on what I eat and  how it will affect my body. I count and track calories, points, nutrients, pounds, activities, steps. And please don't tell me to stop because I know if I don't, I gain. Do I eat things that would be discouraged in this article? Absolutely. Do I eat them often? No. Those items represent perhaps 5-10% of my overall diet. I often joke that my biggest food 'sin' is my definition of a tablespoon of unsweetened all natural peanut butter. 

I guess the reason for writing this my annoyance in hearing about the weight loss success of others making the same change to their lifestyle that I've followed for years. It makes me want to say, "Hey! That's not fair, that's what I do every day!" I know that overall I am very healthy--and for that I am incredibly thankful and proud. It is purely the weight maintenance struggle part of the equation that is incredibly frustrating. I guess I always think that it should be easier. 

Will I change what I eat after reading about this study? You'd probably expect me to say no, but in fact I probably will, as I am always trying to make improvements. Slight tweaks here and there. 

Back to my kale salad...

July 1, 2018 will mark five years to the day since I ran 5K continuously after 'learning' to run the month earlier.

October 20, 2013 was the day I ran my very first road race, the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront 5K. At this point I'd already registered for a second race with my sister later that month. I think it was some time around that fall that I truly felt like I could call myself a runner. ..Wow, if I only knew how my life would change over the next five years!

Given that I've been 'benched' for a couple weeks, I've had an opportunity to reflect on the past few years and where I'm headed. For one thing, I've realized that I've run a lot of races! I've tried track, trail, cross-country, and relay races.  I've been an ambassador for several races. Our team Endorphriends was sponsored by Reebok for an incredible 300km Ragnar relay journey. I've helped coordinate an inclusive group of runners called JPsTeam.  I've been able to better my race times. I've done a destination race. I've run in costume or tutu--a few times. I've run race distances that span from 600 meters to 30 kilometres.  I've joined Ontario Masters Athletics and participated in all of their running events. I got  a run coach. I've improved my health physically and emotionally. And I've made the most incredible friends ever.

I've kept every one  of my medals and bibs since that first race. While some races don't have medals, all but one has had a bib (Ragnar trail had one bib for the whole team). I've always intended to have some sort of display, but have never been able to decide on what I wanted. Today I sorted through all the bibs and medals and placed them into decorative boxes by year. It was so fun to look back on each and remember parts of each race.

Hopefully I'll be lacing up my shoes and hitting the roads again soon. On the plus side, this time 'off' has been fun to reflect on what will soon be five years, and possible ways to commemorate this milestone. 

I haven't run in 12 days.

Frankly the details of the injury itself play somewhat of a minor role in this story. I don't have a dramatic Krista Duchene broken femur finish or wiping out on ice on High Park's Spring Road hill story to tell. Put simply, I have a pain in my foot that I've never had before and that pain is not resolving. My days have been comprised of balancing my fear of making it worse with losing the running gains I've made. But instead of talking pain, swelling or meds, I want to talk about the side of injury that people don't typically think about. Those unexpected things that have come up since I realized the words "I'm injured" were a reality.

UNCERTAINTY
This is the biggie. Uncertainty of what the injury is. Uncertainty of who to go to for answers. Uncertainty of how long it will take to get better. Uncertainty of if I should rest or not. Uncertainty of making things worse. Uncertainty of if I will be able to do this race or that race. Uncertainty of how to sort through the varied advice, recommendations and information I've received.

NAVIGATING
In the past when I've had a medical issue I'd make an appointment with my doctor, dentist or optometrist. I guess maybe I've been lucky up till now as I've typically found answers fairly quickly or was sent for further testing or referred to a specialist who could provide assistance. With this injury I've had a hard time figuring out where to get answers. I've tried a couple routes, but have resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to have to wait the three weeks to see the sports medicine doctor. I'm impatient when it seems like something that should be pretty straight forward and it's a matter of scheduling that holds me back from those answers. I've practically considered breaking into the medical tent at a race to get a sports doctor to just take a peek at my foot. I only hope that when I finally get to see him that he'll have answers for me and that I don't do something in the meantime that sets me back further while waiting. I truly wish there was a system to assist athletes in navigating the system.

COMMUNITY
As I tried to figure out where to get help, I thought that reaching out to those who had gone through something similar could provide me with guidance. I told a couple people in confidence in the first couple days. As time went on and I wasn't getting any better I felt the pressure to tell others when it became obvious that something was up. I was turning down invites to run and even my social media posts that were previously very running based had evolved to food, family, dogs and nature. The word 'injury' is one of the worst words in a runner's vocabulary. Some of the reactions I've gotten as I tell those around me (or they hear from others) have honestly surprised me. From daily notes of support to recommendations, to opinions, to doubt to silence. Admittedly this has been hard for me to deal with. I guess the plus is that I've learned when I hear someone is injured, I'll just let them know I'm there. The most comfort I've had these past days has been from those that just let me know exactly this. 

EMOTIONAL
I knew from watching many of my running friends go through injury that the emotional side would be as challenging to deal with as the physical side. Forget the simple fact that the body is used to several endorphin boosts a week from running. Suddenly a big part of your life is uncertain, of course you are going to feel confusion, pain and loss. Even if it's true that "time will go fast", "you'll still be able to run this or that race", "you'll be fine," your deep down feelings still sting in the moment. I'm working at trying to find different outlets to distract and enjoy, but sometimes yes, I'm sad about the fact that I'm not running. And honestly, I think that's okay.

SCHEDULE
I have seriously been at a loss as to what day it is since I stopped running! I realize just how much my schedule (and my husband's and even my dogs schedules) revolves around running. I used to run on Tuesdays, Thursdays, some Saturdays and Sundays. Silly things like forgetting to shower as I typically shower at work post run or walk commute to being confused about meals I'd planned for which day and constantly writing down the wrong date. 

ANATOMY
I've learned more about foot injuries and anatomy in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible! Dr. Google can be somewhat informative, but also frustrating as I've yet to find any results that makes me say, "That's it!" 

WEIGHT
Given I am quite set in my ways with regards to the foods I eat, it has been a 'kick me while I'm down' to have to cut back on my calories as my body adjusts to less activity. Given this has all landed just after the holiday season and off season for running, I already was facing a smaller spoonful of peanut butter with my breakfast!

MONEY
The lure of early-bird pricing is hard to resist. Currently I've already registered and paid for several spring races and a full season pass to the indoor track. Watching a whole season of OMA indoor track and those races start to fall away definitely hurts a bit.

FITNESS LOSS
The first week I rested completely. The second week I convinced myself that since walking was mostly painless that it wouldn't set me back. Given the location on my foot, I've haven't wanted to do any cycling, rowing or elliptical. Over the past few days I've come to accept the fact that I will lose some of my running fitness gains but that ultimately I just want to get better.

LAUNDRY
One last funny one...You'd think I'd be doing a lot less running clothes laundry...alas I realize that is pretty much all I wear anyway, so no difference there! Ha ha! Oh, but I haven't had to charge my Garmin as much, so there is that!

--
​
I did not write this for sympathy or answers, but instead I wrote it for me, as putting the words and thoughts down often helps me sort those things out things in my mind. I've written and edited it three times over the past three days, and in doing so I feel more of an acceptance of what's happened. Looking at it from the different angles has been a good way of dealing with each individually. I really do hope that this can help others runners who are facing a similar challenge. It is truly amazing how much one little spot of pain can domino all the pieces of your life! ​

So when you sign up for Ragnar road or trail, you look at the distance and difficulty of the three legs you'll be running to judge how you'll do and feel.

What I never factored in were the 'extra' kilometers that weren't on the race plan. The kilometers of walking to and from the van. To and from the campsite. To and from the washroom. To and from food. And all of these extra kilometers? Every step is for the team, for the fun, for the experience. 

​Worth it? Absolutely. 

I was a vegetarian for about five years in my early 20s. I told people my decision was based on my love of animals (I worked in a vet hospital and correlations were disturbing) and health.


While I was very dedicated, I didn't eat particularly well and was lacking in iron and probably many other nutrients.


In my 30s my cooking skills improved as did my nutritional knowledge. When I started running, I paid even closer attention to the nutrient side of things.


Being prone to weight gain, I've always been hyper-aware of every single thing I eat. In general Erick and I eat extremely well. Occasionally my cravings get the best of me and I'll things that aren't ideal. The older I get and the healthier I am eating wise the more obvious the reaction to these items is. When I eat poorly I feel rotten.


This past weekend Erick and I watched a documentary called What the Health recommended by Erick's cousin, Heather van der Geest. It's American and likely sensationalized, but many of the messages are similar to those that inspired me to make changes to my diet years ago. I feel like this was the spark to light the fire we've been building. We've decided to experiment with a more vegan based diet and see how we feel. Mentally and emotionally we know it will make a difference to not be impacting the earth in the same way. Based on years of knowledge and hyper focus, I am beyond excited to see how we feel physically when doing this right. I'm not saying I'm 100% on the wagon, just taking it for a well researched test drive!